Ms Lauryn Hill and the challenges of creativity

How much do we expect of our artists?

Last night I had the immense good fortune to see Ms Lauryn Hill and the Fugees play at Manchester’s Co-Op Live. It was my second time there in a fortnight - the first to see another of my nineties idols, Janet Jackson. The two gigs were in many ways similar; a diverse crowd of various ages, a first British tour for several years, a gathering of old-school music fans. But I’ve never been to a gig where even the support act told the audience ‘Don’t get weird - she’s here, she’s backstage.’

Because, of course, Ms Lauryn Hill carries a reputation of patchy live performances and cancellations. Of course - of course - she was late onto the stage, and when I look through the set list from other British gigs they had the joy of some utter classics that were cut from last night’s set. But while I was in the crowd, I was struck by how much we all expect of the artists we revere. With one hand, we love the newness, the unconventional approaches and the novel thinking that true creatives have. And on the other, we don’t like it when artists show any of the signs of their creativity unless it fits neatly into a box.

In her glorious song The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, she sings ‘every time I tried to be/ what someone else thought of me /so caught up, I was unable to achieve’.

And perhaps that’s the crux, that she can’t get onto the stage until she’s ready for it herself each night. And with so, so many outstanding writers and artists and musicians and actors, their brilliance arises from places of deep pain, as though their emotion leaks from a disturbed core and out into their artistry. I was a teenager when The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill came out, and I played it over and over and over on the little blue CD player in my bedroom. I thought there would be many more Lauryn Hill albums to come, yet aside from her 2002 MTV Unplugged 2.0 album, there has been precious little output.

My guess is that there is a wealth of music that hasn’t made it to the public domain - perhaps because of a terrible record deal, or perfectionism, or raising children, or some of the many other reasons that stymy and stifle making new things.

I don’t think there is creativity without isolation. If you are fully content as a person at all times, having every need met in each way, what could you have to say? Each creative has that shard of glass to work out of their insides.

Performance-wise, her voice was utterly flawless last night. She didn’t, it has to be said, look relaxed on stage. There was virtually no chat, and she was fiddling with her in-ear monitor throughout as though the sound level was wrong. When Wyclef Jean sauntered onto the stage picking on the guitar to launch the Fugees section, the evening lurched with the refreshed energy of two enormous talents combining. But Wyclef has clearly chosen a different musical route in the intervening decades - commercial, upbeat, fun, perhaps (whisper it) a tiny bit novelty at times. Ms Hill’s musical output always carries a serious message, is utterly mesmerising, and provides a vehicle for her astounding vocal range.

Put simply, I want to see my favourite creatives stay purposeful and prolific. But I always also want them to be well and happy, in industries built not around their wellbeing but around monetising talent, often ill-designed for non-conforming souls.

I had a conversation once with a bestselling author who admitted that writing his latest novel almost caused the end of his marriage, so total was his misery during the writing process. Writers’ block, perfectionism and audience pressure to finish was completely blocking any flow. I also know of an internationally famous musician who frequently turns up in his local pub to lead the music, because he just loves performing but can’t be bothered to tour. Far more important to find what you love and do more of that.

So for now, I take it as a blessing in our lives if artists can create or perform or paint and choose to put that out despite the performance anxiety. But it’s just as much a talent if they lie low, create without outside judgement, and see how that serves them.